Finding Your Self-Esteem

Find your path to self esteem.

Low self-esteem is a universal problem. We all doubt ourselves from time to time, whether it’s our ideas, our appearance, or something else. We might have a low performing month at the office, or feel our older sibling got all the looks. In any case, we have the capacity to build ourselves up.

Identify your self-esteem robbers

Self-esteem robbers are the voices in our head that tell us we are not good enough. If you are not sure where to begin, consider speaking to a life coach who can help you through the process. Keep a list or journal of these issues, writing them down as they occur if need be. Be as detailed as you can be when writing down your thoughts.

Whose values are these

As you detail your self-esteem robbing thoughts, ask yourself why you feel this way. You may be surprised to find out that your values are different from those you are holding yourself to.

For example, you may feel guilty for not doing the dishes immediately after a meal. Is this actually an issue you care about? Often we find that the voices that are judging us are not our own. Perhaps a parent had an issue with dirty dishes, and spoke ill of those who were not as fastidious about their cleanliness.

If you have diaries or journals, review them. You may be surprised by how you have grown. Looking at the issues we have had in our past allows us to gain context. Remember when you thought not having a boyfriend or girlfriend meant the end of the world?

What are your values?

What is a good person to you? What makes them capable and useful? Everyone has a different measure for what makes for a fulfilling life.

Detail your ideas on what it means to have a well-rounded fulfilling life. Make a list of what makes you happy, including activities and people. Writing down what it is that you actually enjoy versus what you think you want is an illuminating exercise for everyone.

Matching and evaluating your values

There is nothing wrong with the values you have. Occasionally evaluating your values allows you to ensure they are still in line with your present self.

The measure for your values should be how well they are serving you. For example, you may value having a spouse that has a high paying job. This may be a stress on your marriage that does not have to be. Is a high paying job as important as their parenting style, kindness, and loyalty?

Evaluating your values allows you to stop worrying about those self-esteem robbers that do not matter, and to work toward the values you actually hold. You may have been trying to make the most money when your real core value is spending time with your family.

Give yourself a guidepost

Once you have worked on what you want your life to look like based on your true values, consider creating a vision board. Vision boards are a collage of words and images that represent our goals. Make vision boards for your career, your spirituality or your life in general.

Hang your vision board in a place where you will see it every day. Working toward your goals and being congruent with your values will build your self-esteem.

Self-esteem is an ongoing process. Your self-esteem should be based on your goals and values, not those of others. If your values lead away from your happiness, re-evaluate. Start with who you are and what you want out of life. No one else knows how close you are to success.