Forgiveness Is Freedom

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is one of the most compassionate things that we can do. It is greatly misunderstood and because of this it is rarely given in the truest sense of the word.

We tend to think of forgiveness as an act of kindness that we choose to give to some people who seem to deserve it, yet withhold this gift from others who seem un-deserving and un-repentant. This gives us a significant sense of power.

Forgiveness is not about other people

Forgiveness actually has nothing whatsoever to do with other people.  Forgiveness has everything to do with the person giving forgiveness. It is a decision that we make for ourselves.

In the physical world, people may do bad things to us, unforgivable things. And yet there seems to be pressure upon us to forgive them for their embarrassing, annoying, hurtful or vengeful actions that were directed against us. We say it takes a big person to forgive. And so we seem compelled to dole out our forgiveness in tiny bits and pieces to those we think deserve it.

This is an amazingly arrogant perspective and yet we reward this kind of thinking by saying that we were being a better person, a bigger person, than the one to whom we offer our forgiveness.

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By forgiving, I am given forgiveness

Here’s the real essence of forgiveness: By forgiving others, I am given forgiveness. It does not matter that the other person may never accept my forgiveness, what does matter is that by my giving forgiveness, forgiveness returns to me and blesses me by its presence.

Forgiveness is freedom

Holding onto grievances and anger instead of being free

I have the opportunity, many times each day, to give forgiveness. Many times I refuse, preferring to hold on to my grievances. Holding onto grievances is often a comfortable activity in which to engage. Grievances support the negative perspective by witnessing to my being victimized by people around me and by the world in general. 

By being a victim, I somehow seem to be free from the demands of a free person. A free person must act freely, openly, compassionately, lovingly. A victimized person claims the right to be angry.

We seem to spend a great deal of our time in anger, frustration and denial. We have been experiencing these feelings for so long that they appear familiar, almost comfortable and un-alterable. It seems that as a victim of the world, there is nothing we can do about it, just grin and bear it.

Forgiveness seems to be one of those concepts that good people use to help themselves feel better. I forgive you for your transgressions against me and so I feel better about myself. As if I have given you a gift which you do not really deserve.  And so I have been a better person by forgiving you.

The real power of forgiveness is freedom

Forgiveness is the only way out. Forgiveness offers us the opportunity to free the world from our own condemnation of it. We are given many opportunities to practice forgiveness of others, until, someday, we feel free enough to forgive ourselves.

This is the real power of forgiveness. Forgiveness frees us from the world and the people that we have condemned by our judgments against them. As we have judged them, so we have judged ourselves.

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So, let us practice forgiveness, over and over and over again, until we get it perfectly right.

And then, at last, we will be able to forgive ourselves. We will then be able to experience our Selves as It has been given us, and as we always have been and always will be and are right now.

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Are you working on forgiving someone?  Yourself?  Give me a call and we can work on forgiveness together.

If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.