Managing Sibling Rivalry

Defuse sibling rivalry early on to keep a happy home.

Sibling rivalry has existed since time immemorial. The first record was probably that of Cain and Abel. If you are a parent, it most likely discourages you to see your beloved kids moving in different directions. You may be feeling worried that there is no solution. Maybe you’re starting to blame yourself for what is happening.

But there are ways to get your kids cooperating again. Here are some tried and tested recommendations to managing rivalry among your children:

1. Make your kids feel that each one of them is the apple of your eye.

Jealousy is one of the major causes of sibling rivalry. Ensure that each child receives the same amount of love, attention and time so that they don’t make comparisons. The moment they start comparing, jealousy sprouts.

2. When they quarrel, stay in the middle– literally and figuratively.

There are times when arguments result in physical aggression–punching on the arm, pulling of hair—you know the drill. In this case, you have to be the referee. Ask them to move to either side of the room and calm down. When they are calm and ready to explain the source of the friction, let them. You can ask, “Rob, why did you do that?” When Rob’s finished speaking, ask his brother, “How about you, Ted? What’s your side of the story?” After listening to both sides, assert your position.

3. Be a model to your kids.

Be a model to your kids when it comes to the attitude that should be shown to their siblings and towards other people. Show them how much you care for your siblings by intentionally talking to your brothers and sisters over the phone in front of your kids. Invite your siblings and their families to come to your house for dinner. Be generous with praise to other people, especially your siblings. Tell stories about how much you admire and love them, and the achievements they have made. If everything that comes out of your mouth is positive, your children will absorb this and apply it in their own lives.

4. Make time for family bonding as much as you can.

You might be saying that you don’t have time because your schedule does not permit you to go out of town. Yes, you have to work and earn for your kids. But giving them less time might allow the root causes of sibling rivalry to seep into your household. Slot family outings to a nearby resort into your week’s schedule. A whole day at a mall also ensures good times with your kids. Or maybe organize a weekly sport activity in which your siblings are always team mates and they get to compete with you and your spouse.

As parents, we love our children unconditionally. We do everything in our power to ensure that our offspring will have the best that life can offer. The greatest consolation we can get is to see our children love each other and grow together harmoniously.