Life After Divorce

Your Story

You may be at a place where you are not ready to forgive. The pain may be too great, right now, and you are angry and bitter. And that is okay. But try to look at your situation this way: life is a road of challenges, ups and downs, good and bad, disappointments and achievements. It keeps us balanced and hopefully grateful and appreciative of our good days. In every life, some rain must fall. We cannot have sunshine every day or every season. If you will embrace your experience and learn to forgive, you too will see better days and a life of happiness with the new and improved you.

My Story

As a little girl, I like many other little girls, dreamed of my wedding day. I would sit and imagine the life of a wife with my future husband and two kids. I knew the age I wanted to get married and the age I wanted to start having kids. I was surrounded by marriages that were long lasting and happy so I wanted the same happiness. I grew up believing that divorce would not be an option. It would be until death do us part for me and my husband. I even told him upfront that I did not believe in divorce and it would not be a future option once we were married.

Believe it or not, life happened just as I had planned. I was married at 21 years old and had my first child at 24 years old. Unfortunately, the honeymoon phase did not last long before my first heart ache and heart break. But, I was determined and knew divorce was not an option for us. After all, I didn’t believe in divorce. I was raised to forgive and forget so that’s what I did and life went on. However, that was not the end of the heart breaks. Only now, I had a beautiful daughter to love and consider and even if I decided to leave, it would be more difficult because of wanting a family for my daughter. I grew up with both parents in the home. My parents stayed together no matter what and that’s the life I wanted so badly for my daughter.

But the heartaches did not stop and no matter what I did, it was never enough to make my husband love me the way I deserved to be loved. He could only give me what was in him to give and nothing more. So now, we have two children. By now, I have completed two degrees and pursing my career. My mind set has changed since we got married 14 years ago. I was determined not to experience another hurt, separation, or heartbreak at the hands of the man I committed my life to. So after 17 years of marriage, I decided it was best for me to let go and move forward with my life.

The divorce was not an easy process. I was judged by my family, condemned to hell by some in the church, and celebrated by others who could not believe I stayed for as long as I did with this man who could not love me. I was hurt and cried many nights. The relationship between me and my soon to be ex-husband changed drastically for the worst. You may think you know someone, but go through a divorce and you will see a totally different person. I know this is not true for everyone, but it was true for my experience. I was threatened, my children were torn and emotionally wounded. I was emotionally damaged and felt as if I had lost everything that I valued  most in life. Seventeen years of my life was given to a man I thought loved me to the moon and back and now I am issuing him divorce papers.

Life After Divorce

Well, that was seven years ago. Today after many tears, prayers, and the practice of forgiveness I am in a much better place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The things that money cannot buy are the things I value the most. I have learned much more about myself and I have grown so much because of my life experiences. I have always had a strong relationship with God, but the past seven years have made my relationship with God even stronger. I have learned that no matter what life throws at me, I can handle it. I know that life is not here to destroy me but its only purpose is to bring me to my higher self, to awaken me to my real purpose. I have learned the power of forgiveness and its impact on my life. I am a better woman because of everything I have learned while going through and after my divorce. Plus, my ex-husband and I are friends again and co-parent two amazing daughters very well!

Life after divorce only gets better when you accept, commitment, and do the work necessary to have a meaningful life. Only you have the power to determine if life will be your friend or enemy. When you fight life experiences, you sow into life seeds of anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness. The danger is that what you sow into life is what life gives back to you. Therefore, it is to your advantage to sow seeds that will bring you a harvest of love, peace, and happiness. The choice is yours.

Be encouraged, all seasons change.