To Date or Not to Date: Frustrated and Tired of Dating in the Age of Swipe and Ghost?
In today’s dating age, information is always at our fingertips. In an instant. 24/7.
But even though this should make dating easier, it’s also causing us to become creatures plagued by impatience. Instant gratification is all there is these days. Nothing is worth that much effort anymore.
Not even when it comes to love.
A minor inconvenience happens? No problemo. Move on to the next person. There are endless options, after all.
Anything (and anyone) is replaceable within a day.
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
Like everything else, dating has modernized. But while everything else is more accessible, dating has evolved to be overly frustrating. Enough to reach the point that some are reconsidering the whole thing.
If it’s that tiresome, is it even worth subjecting yourself to this modern torture? I hear you.
So, with that, we interviewed six expert coaches who specialize in dating, relationships, breakups, and everything in between. We wanted to find out what is really going on with dating today.
Are people feeling frustrated? Are they feeling tired and burned out? How can we save dating? Our expert coaches weigh in on modern dating frustration.
Modern Dating Lingo: From Shakespearean to Slang
“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”
– A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act 1, scene 1, lines 240 – 241
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
Translation?
u a snack not bc ur pretty but coz you passed the vibe check. Sheesh. Periodt.
Dies in Romeo and Juliet. Swoons in Shakespeare.
Modern dating in a nutshell, ladies and gentlemen!
Indeed, the whole language that we have around dating has been forever altered. Thank you dating apps and social media.
Here are some of the new additions to our language thanks to modern dating:
Cobwebbing
Let’s say you’re freshly single. So in hopes of moving on, you’re cobwebbing. You throw out those mementos your ex gave you. All the while blasting Taylor Swift’s Reputation album. You’re choosing self-love this time around. You’re in your villain era.
Orbiting
But let’s face it, moving on is not a straight and perfect line. ‘Sides, you’re but a human. And it’s human to be curious about what your ex is up to. Truly! You both may have cut off communication and one another from each other’s lives. But hey, you still follow each other on social media.
Ken Fox, expert dating coach, describes how social media in dating can be both a “torment” and “incredibly addictive” when you’re dealing with an ex. You’re “getting on the app to check on your ex to see if they’re still on there,” as Ken puts it. It’s only natural for you to view their stories. And may have “accidentally” liked the one with their dog while you’re at it.
Love Bombing
You can’t also help reminiscing back to how you started. All those grand gestures. Bouquets every day. Whisking you away for a romantic getaway to Paris. Giving you a promise ring in your 1st monthsary. Thinking about it, you didn’t see much of your friends and family back then. Huh ?. And now you realize that your love was doomed from the start. They just wanted to control the relationship. And that’s precisely what they did.
Situationship
So you make up your mind not to go through that again. You’re over them (finally). But that one person from (*insert dating app) is all cool and caszh. And it’s cuffing season. Without much hesitation, you end up “not really dating” that someone. ‘Cause hey, you both don’t talk about what you two are. Even if you act all lovey-dovey and sleep together. You later become envious of those “friends with benefits” couples. Because at least they have a label. What do you have? Whispers *unfulfilled needs*
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
Dating is like a relationship on training wheels. It’s important you don’t just fall for the first person that likes you and “get stuck in a “situationship” or a bad relationship where the person is not fulfilling your needs or not speaking your love language,” says dating coach Carolyn Savage. “Dating is an interview for marriage or a long term relationship.”
Ghosting
With the paranoia bugging you day and night, you decided to confront them. You’re relentless in knowing what you are to each other. And it’s been a couple of weeks of that. They leave you on read now. Then, one day, they stop replying all together. No explanations. No warnings. It’s as if they fell off of the surface of the earth.
Indeed, “being ghosted” is one of the biggest challenges in the dating world according to Raquelle Williams, professional dating and relationship coach. She understands that single people who are divorced, or transitioning from a relationship, can face real challenges. She works with clients to review what may have gone wrong in their past to see any patterns.
All of that is just a nasty cycle that nobody would want to go through. But, as modern dating would have it, you still do. Over and over again.
Dating is Too Much Work: Traditional Dating vs Modern Dating
This leads us to the feedback our dating coaches have received over and over again in their practices, which is that dating is HARD, it’s FRUSTRATING and overall it just feels like TOO MUCH WORK.
“Dating can be work,” says Carolyn Savage. “It’s a numbers game, and boy do you have to go through a lot of potential mates before you meet ‘the one.’”
Ok, but how much work is too much work when it comes to dating?
Handwritten love letters. A field of daffodils (it’s a Big Fish reference). Courting! Would you believe it? There was a time when effort was all the craze in dating.
Even today, some cultures go to extreme lengths to prove how someone is deserving of another. Take a look at these practices:
- How Deep is Your Love?
No really! How deep are you willing to dive for it?
Because in Fiji, you have to wrestle a whale to prove you’re worthy of the woman of your dreams. You have to present her father with a whale’s tooth first. It’s what they consider a common gift.
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
- Houseband Material
The Philippines is a family-centric country. So, it’s no surprise that their courting involves the act of Paninilbihan. The man serves the family of the woman he is pursuing by doing household chores in the morning. But come night time, you pick up the guitar and serenade her through her bedroom window.
- Carving My Love For You
Dating back to 17th century Wales, men carve out intricate spoons for the woman they want as their partner. They put all their love into the craft, hoping the other will return their sentiments (in the form of a spoon, too).
And you say that dating today is too much work…
It is, it is. I’m on your side, really. It’s just that it’s a different KIND of work today.
Traditional dating hardship was physical. Today, it’s more on the mental, emotional, and psychological side.
Anyone who’s been on dating apps knows that dating is EXHAUSTING mentally and DRAINING psychologically, right?
And why do you think that is?
Dating Apps and Social Media
The dating coaches we spoke to agreed: dating apps are both a boon and a curse to modern dating. They have brought us into contact with so many more people than was possible in the past. But that availability has been a double-edged sword.
If anyone understands the duality of dating apps, it’s Stephanie Christina, relationship and dating coach. “They are a necessary evil in this day and age,” she says. “I don’t love them but I also understand that we aren’t shying away from them so if you can’t beat’em join’em.” In other words, dating apps kinda suck, but what choice do we have?
Lee Wilson, better known as Coach Lee, agrees. When it comes to dating apps, “It’s not all bad, but it’s not all good.”
We can’t deny they do have their advantages. The most obvious one being the access to multiple potential dating partners (Blue, 2020).
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
Stephanie has worked with a number of people who have found some “really solid partners” on the apps. These lucky few went on to have “some really wonderfully solid relationships.”
It’s also impossible to overlook their disadvantages. (It’s why this article exists.)
The Veneer of Perfection
First off, apps, like all social media, are mostly veneer and little substance. From the start, you must curate the “perfect” profile.
Emphasis on the perfect. That’s pressure on you. And that causes you to airbrush your looks and personality “just enough” to hook someone.
You tweak your ideals because of the goal of being “the perfect catch.” What’s truly important gets muddled. Authenticity gets cropped out of the picture. Because who would want to swipe right on a flawed person, right?
Social media doesn’t make it easier either. Perceptions of beauty are size zeroes, poreless skin, pointed noses, success in everything, and impossible standards.
The superficiality and struggle to create the ideal self is something that comes out a lot in our dating experts’ sessions with their clients. “You have the opportunity to present a limited view of yourself,” Ken Fox explains. There’s too much pretending to be someone else and less of being unapologetically you.
Shopping for a mate: Catalog mentality and dating apps
Secondly, there is the way that dating apps have become people marketplaces. It’s where you go to “shop” for a partner.
Online daters “sell” themselves through their profiles. As if saying, “Buy me, buy me, I’m good at this or that.” They scroll through the endless catalog of TInder, Bumble and other apps, unable to beat the addiction of finding an even better deal.
Lee Wilson, a world-renown breakup coach who helps people get an ex back, believes that this mentality breeds challenges like “lack of commitment and the ease of replacing partners.”
“People have kind of developed a little bit of a catalog mentality,” Lee says. “And so it’s presented as all these people that are easily available.” He describes the way daters think to themselves “I’m not happy with you. I can just go to the catalog and replace you.”
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
Dating expert Ken Fox agrees, and states that it’s very easy to disconnect from someone now, so it’s far easier just to move on instead of trying to work things out.
The problem with this catalog mentality is that it’s very unhelpful in terms of “creating an environment for commitment” according to Coach Lee. And worse, for people who already struggle with commitment (know anybody like that?), “that’s gonna be something that can make the situation a lot worse.”
He says we should not just avoid dating apps altogether, but it does provide a challenge.
But on the other hand, he does highlight that apps also let people meet each other who might not otherwise have had that opportunity “People who have difficulty meeting other people can go to a place and they CAN look people up. So I think it’s important to point out.”
Ken Fox describes a similar situation with one of his clients. This young woman went through three guys incredibly quickly. She left the first one because she was wounded. And because she was wounded she jumped into the second relationship. When she felt that one might be stalling, she jumped into a third relationship.
“So now she’s dealing with like heartache and ramifications of three different relationships. And she never really got into the first one,” Ken says.
So many people to choose from… but that is also what makes it so hard. That large pool of people makes it difficult to settle down. There’s always going to be someone better than the last.
Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!
“I’m in love with you. Now, give me your life savings.”
“You don’t look anything like your profile.”
Chills. And here you thought it was genuine.
You were so sure. You felt it in your bones. You’re also confident that these things happen to other people. Not you. But here we are.
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
“Dating apps are great for meeting people,” says dating coach Monica Borschel. “However, people need to be aware of people that could cause harm.”
“For example, some people might be looking to extort money or abuse you,” Borschel continues. “You can tell if someone is a scam artist if they refuse to video chat with you or if they ask you for money.”
Being deceived is almost too commonplace in online dating, unfortunately.
- Catfishing
- Fake pictures. Fake bio. Everything about the person you matched with is fake.
- They lure potential partners (victims) by using attractive pictures. Or by creating this wonderful life that you want to be a part of. It’s almost too perfect. But you still forego your better judgment.
- You know what they say. If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.
- Romance Scams
- They’ll only say I love you if you send a huge sum of money or lavish gifts. It’s conditional. And there will always be an excuse not to meet in person or see each other in general. There are even cases where they ask you to invest in cryptocurrency.
- Ultimately, their goal is to get money from you quickly. In a way that you won’t be able to get it back. Monica’s professional advice? “Therefore, always meet your online dates in public.”
- Inheritance Scams
- A scammer will tell you they’re in line to inherit a massive fortune. But the only way to get it is to marry. After establishing a relationship with their victim, they’ll ask for money to move the fortune. Maybe in the victim’s country. They’ll even offer to fly there to prove they’re genuine.
- Photo Scams
- Their MO here involves asking you for your contact details in exchange for erotic photos. By playing with your excitement, they can easily access your data. And once they do, they can use it for malicious activities. Maybe even financial fraud.
These inherent dangers in online dating are another reason our dating coaches are discovering people are feeling dating fatigue. Sometimes it just seems as though the risks are greater than the rewards. Trust in dating is at an all-time low.
Verdict: Online dating–Yey or Ney?
What’s their overall verdict at the end of the day from our dating experts about online dating?
Carolyn Savage says “I always tell my clients to have clear intentions when you use dating apps, know what kind of relationship you want, what type of guys you want to attract.” She goes on, “Don’t use the app as entertainment because you are bored. When you are swiping, choose men that only line up with your intentions.”
And when you meet that person? It’s time to get off the app. “Get the guy off the dating app, don’t just keep messaging back and forth, make him ask for your number and take it from virtual to reality. They could be using your conversations as entertainment, not looking for something real.”
Ken Fox says dating apps can be great. And they can be really detrimental. They are “much more efficient” when it comes to weeding out prospects. “That can be good, but it can also be bad. It depends.”
“I’m Tired of Dating”: Thoughts From the Professionals
What do our dating coaches say if a client comes to them and says “I’m tired of dating”?
“Lol.. I get that all the time,” laughs Carolyn Savage. So much so she created a video on dating fatigue! So when she hears it now, she says “I’d say take a break! Ask them why they hate dating so much. Assess what they are doing right or wrong. Get them just enjoying their life without a partner for now so they will be in a good place when they meet that special person.”
She finishes with a coach-like encouragement: ”Hang on, stay positive and know that your person is out there waiting and praying for you.”
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
Monica Borschel says that first she would want to understand what they were tired of. “I would like to know how their energy levels are and how much self-care they do,” she goes on. “And from there, we could come up with something as a team.”
Raquelle Williams starts from the same point as Monica. She would respond to her client “Well this would be a fantastic time to wonder how you got to that point of being tired of dating. You can use this time not dating to discover who you are without interruptions. As you take this time to learn more about who you are and how you want to show up in the world, you may feel better about dating again.”
Stephanie Christina says she would have to dig in a little deeper and find out why they said this “You are tired of dating and so you don’t want to date anymore? If so, are you ok with that? No one says you have to date. Maybe it’s time to dial things back and go inward for a bit. Work on creating the best version of yourself so that if and when you are ready to get back out there that you are able to do so with confidence and a better understanding of what you are looking for in a relationship.”
Ken Fox says if he heard these words out of a client’s mouth, he would suspect they had been hurt or burned out. He says there are different stages to love:
- “Limerence is what they call the stage when you’re falling in love. And you almost have this euphoric sense. It’s almost like you’re taking a drug. Every time you see that person, your heart starts pounding, you get excited, you feel lightheaded. That’s that serotonin, dopamine and adrenaline getting dumped into your system as limerence.
- When you fall in love, and it’s an authentic, good relationship, you’re gonna go from love into conflict, which might sound a little silly. But conflict is a part of every healthy and beneficial relationship. You don’t want to avoid conflict, you just want to know how to navigate it effectively.
- When you can’t navigate it effectively, you stay in conflicts enough until one or both of you will go into what they call a numb stage. And numbness is like reverse limerence And that’s when your subconscious has decided we’ve gone over these areas so many times that nothing’s going to change. I can tell him why it’s hurting me, I can tell her why I don’t feel respected. But it doesn’t matter what I say, it doesn’t matter how many times I say it, I could write it in the cloud, or I could write ins and blood or I could chiseled in stone, nothing’s gonna change. And that’s when people start saying things like, I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore. I’m done. I’m empty, I can’t do this.
- When they reach that stage, sometimes they need to, if they can have their pain understood, and articulated, and things actually change, so that they feel valued, and they feel understood, then that love can come back in. But a lot of times, they don’t have that opportunity, because the other person never really understands how much they’ve hurt them.
- So they might just be staying in that numb stage longer, which is like a form of self protection and doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Sometimes you kind of want to stay there and to just heal.
- And then when you’re ready, it doesn’t mean you’re emotionally broken, it just means you’ve been wounded. And you just need some time to let some things heal before you get involved with somebody.”
Lee Wilson agrees that’s something he hears after a client has been hurt or dumped by someone. Then he’ll hear them say “I just don’t want to date, I just want to take some time off.” But usually, it’s not really that much time off. They get right back on the horse again.
“It’s kind of a thing that we talk about, where people will say, I don’t want to date anybody right now, or I’m just going to focus on myself,” Lee says. “And we tend to believe that. But I’ve been doing this for 20 years. And I’ve spoken to 1000s of people, and I have a coaching staff who speak to 1000s of people a year. And most people don’t intentionally stay single very long.
“And again, I said, most people, but most of us take a little break, and go back to it.
“But that doesn’t mean we’re not frustrated with the whole concept. But it’s a rare bird, who can just be completely alone, and doesn’t seek a romantic partner.”
Is Dating Worth It?
So is dating even worth it?
This is a question heard at times by our dating experts, and here is how they respond.
If a client came up to Coach Carolyn and asked “Is dating worth it?”, she would say “yes it is. When you date with purpose, you learn so much about yourself in the process. How you communicate, what you can tolerate and what you can’t. You learn your attachment style.”
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
“I find that my clients thank me for getting them out there to really date like they have never done before, and truly find a match,” she says.
For Coach Monica, if she heard that question she would first want to know what their relationship goals are. “Some people are happier alone, but feel like they are expected to be with someone. At the same time, someone else might be nervous or busy. Others might need their faith in humanity restored.”
If someone says to Coach Raquelle that they don’t know if dating is worth it, she says she would ask if they are really serious about finding a loving partner or not. “Suppose they are only interested in one-night stands. In that case, dating for a serious relationship may not be for them at this time, and there is nothing wrong with that.”
But on the flip side, she points out “How do you get to know if that partner is right for you if you do not date? That is a recipe for disappointment and being with a toxic partner.”
“Well, this would be a fantastic time to wonder how you got to that point of being tired of dating. You can use this time not dating to discover who you are without interruptions.
“As you take this time to learn more about who you are and how you want to show up in the world, you may feel better about dating again.”
Coach Stephanie says cheekily that if she heard the question “Is dating worth it,” it would take a bit of a conversation, “but if I had to answer this with just this bit of information I would say if it wasn’t then you wouldn’t be asking me that…”
“Oh, yeah, absolutely. I’ve been there,” says Coach Ken, speaking about the disillusionment we can feel about dating. “So that’s understandable.” But he says if you have that ability to feel “so jaded, and so wounded and so broken, that’s a good indication that you feel things deeply.
“That means you’re probably one of the more loving, more empathetic, more forgiving, more understanding people that you know. Those are the people that end up hurting the most, and becoming convinced that there’s something broken with them, or that the world is just too messed up for them to find a relationship.
“But those are also the people that get the most out of relationships and the best at it. They’re loving, they’re giving. And when they feel love, they feel love, like they feel anything else. They feel it deeply.
“Indeed, when somebody like that recovers, they’re drawn back to it, because it’s their gift. It’s just sometimes what feels like a pain is connected to a gift, and you just don’t realize it.
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
“But you could say the greatest writers and poets and musicians and artists, a lot of them wrestled with mental health. Why? Well, because the same gift that made them brilliant at expressing their emotions, and putting something on paper or putting something on a canvas or writing a beautiful love song. They can do that, because they feel things so deeply.
“With that same gift and intensity that when something happens to break up a relationship, it will make them feel the most hopeless.
“So the people that are hurting the most, that might be the most jaded people are also the people that are the most gifted at being in love.”
Thank you Coach Ken. That’s truly beautiful.
So it’s understandable to be frustrated with dating. Enough to question if it’s worth it? Yes. Enough to never go through with it ever again? No.
So where do we go from here? Here are some concrete pieces of dating coach advice you can apply to your own dating frustrations.
Attracting the right mate for you
The coaches agreed that it’s not enough to just know who exactly you want to attract. Don’t you think it’s as important to know what kind of person you want to be to attract them?
In the end we don’t choose the perfect person we choose the person who we are perfect with.
This isn’t as simple as “it just happens” or “at the right time.” While luck does play a role, you have a significant part in it.
Consider the Law of Attraction, for instance. You get back the kind of energy you put out into the universe. Every thought, feeling, or action you make sends out this vibration. The kind that attracts or repels the things you want in life (Hou, 2023).
Coach Stephanie Christina can attest to this. “If you are coming from a place of love, gratitude and peace– that is going to exude from every which way,” she says.”People will be drawn to you and maybe not know exactly why.”
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
To further explain her point, she asks us to visualize this scenario.
“Have you ever had a day where you get up and get ready to go somewhere and you are just totally feeling yourself that day? Maybe you woke up and did some yoga or went for a run, got your work done then went and got ready to go out and your hair just did its thing perfectly?
“When someone is feeling good about themselves and by that I don’t just mean the physical or ego but truly feel a “oneness” with the world around them, they will often carry themselves differently. It’s like you have a secret and the world wants to know what it is.
“People are attracted to that sort of energy. Heck, I am attracted to that energy both romantically and as friendships. Most people want to be around those who give off that beautiful energy and vibe.”
This metaphysical force doesn’t act alone, though. You have much to contribute.
There’s No Such Thing as a Perfect Person
The coaches want us to think about this: there’s no such thing as a perfect person. There’s only finding an imperfect person and learning to see them perfectly (Hill, 2010).
According to Raquelle WIlliams, one of the biggest challenges her clients face is the worry of “growing old alone and not finding the right person.”
But “right” doesn’t mean “perfect.”
It’s the idea of a perfect person that many of us are hung up on when it comes to dating. Thinking “if I search hard enough, I’ll find them somewhere.”
But they’re not waiting to be discovered. Because they don’t exist in the first place!
You’re risking the chance of finding your soulmate because you’re being too specific. Or you do find this “perfect person,” only to realize they aren’t so perfect after all (because nobody is), prompting you to end your relationship. Either way, it ends with you disappointed.
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
It’s YOU
“You are tired of dating and so you don’t want to date anymore?” asks Stephanie Christina. “If so, are you ok with that? No one says you have to date.”
You’re the problem and the solution all at once. Who are you today? Take responsibility for this.
You may have just gotten out of a relationship and still reeling with bitterness. And for you to jump into another relationship so soon is not a great idea according to these dating experts.
They point out it’s very easy to resort to falling into the trap of fault finding. Of focusing on what is wrong with the person you’re dating or in a relationship with. It’s always them and never you.
“Maybe it’s time to dial things back and go inward for a bit.” Stephanie says. “Work on creating the best version of yourself so that if and when you are ready to get back out there that you are able to do so with confidence and a better understanding of what you are looking for in a relationship.”
Taking responsibility means dealing with all the unfinished business. That includes your feelings, attitude, and your life in general. Try to see the good, and don’t focus on all the negatives. This allows you to replace your nasty habits and heavy baggage with something better (Slattery, 2023).
Let Coach Raquelle Williams’ words be the cherry on top. “As you take this time to learn more about who you are and how you want to show up in the world, you may feel better about dating again.”
Dopamine and Fear Detox
What’s real and what isn’t anymore? People are constantly subjected to a dopamine rush. Social media? Dating apps? The Internet? There’s easy access to sex, porn, and other high-inducing things.
This unending exposure makes it difficult to do the things that matter. Including dating. When your brain is drowning in dopamine, it can convince you not to date or maintain a relationship. These two need effort and don’t gain immediate pleasure. A major contrast to your current state, where everything comes easy and pleasurable.
And not only are you running on dopamine, but also on fear. Add a lack of self-awareness to this mix and boom. Your biggest challenge in the flesh.
Self awareness and fear are biggest challenges coach Stephnie Christina sees in her clients’ dating lives: “Not allowing ourselves to see a perspective outside of what ‘we know’.” This is hindering our ability to form new relationships.
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
She explains, many relationship issues are because of an unrealized fear. “Fear robs us of so much when we allow it to take over,” she says. “It prevents us from meeting someone new, it is the basis of infidelity, it breaks down relationships and takes away some of life’s most beautiful gifts.”
So, it’s important to cut those distractions out. Only then will you be able to see beyond the blur and its implications.
Embracing Singledom
“Being single is not a curse!” says Coach Raquelle.
Coach Monica echoes: “Some people are happier alone, but feel like they are expected to be with someone.”
Another person isn’t a cure-all. You can’t place such a heavy burden on them. Besides, it isn’t a race. Would you rather you just settled instead of being with your great love?
Carolyn Savage says when working with her clients, she gets them “enjoying their life without a partner for now so they will be in a good place when they meet that special person.”
You must be comfortable in your own skin before finding the one for you. Before you can love someone else. According to Coach Raquelle “You can use this time not dating to discover who you are without interruptions.” You can’t give what you don’t have, right?
Public opinion of single women has drastically changed over the years as well. So relax. No one’s pressuring you here. It’s less critical now.
Being single won’t make you an outsider. It’s not something that just “happens” to you. It can be a decision that evokes empowerment (Kislev, 2019).
To Date or Not To Date
Is it really a question? We are social beings through and through. We want to love and be loved in return. There’s so much of it to just contain within ourselves.
Remember what Coach Ken says “the vast majority of us are built to be in a relationship of meaning.” Real intimacy is “knowing that I can feel heard, understood, safe, wanted and valued. On my best day, on my worst day, by somebody else. And I think that’s what everybody’s really craving. So sometimes pain can make us believe that maybe we don’t want a relationship. And maybe in the moment because of that pain, we don’t. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not worth the risk, because it absolutely is.”
SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
So go back out there (with caution, a renewed sense of hope, and the best version of yourself). Take Coach Raquelle’s words for it. “As you take this time to learn more about who you are and how you want to show up in the world, you may feel better about dating again.”
Take life by its horns! Onwards! Always…
“Hang on, stay positive and know that your person is out there waiting and praying for you.” Coach Carolyn Savage
What next?
Dating coaches can be very useful if you are feeling frustrated with dating, or like dating is too much worth. Maybe you are even ready to throw in the towel. Instead, maybe you could reach out to one of our dating, relationship or breakup coaches. Or put in a request and we’ll match you to your best coach. Your perfect relationship could be just around the corner!
If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.
Read this next
Relationship Conflict Resolution
5 Tips on how to resolve relationship conflicts
Read More
When Should You Take Down Your Online Dating Profile?
Is it time to ditch that online dating profile (or 5?) A dating coach weighs in.
Read More
Is My Marriage Over?
Is your marriage over? key considerations for a troubled relationship In the realm of marital struggles, a common question that surfaces is: “Is my marriage over?” This query, often posed […]
Read More