Replacing The Negative With The Positive

Overcoming challenges

Have you ever wondered why you cannot get past life’s barriers that hold you back? Take a look at your belief systems. This does not have anything to do with religion. The belief systems I am talking about is the daily rituals and habits that rule your life. This comes from our map of our world. In other words, how we view…

• What we can accomplish
• What we deserve  
• The way we live our lives

If we struggle, we have to think about what we are focusing on. For example: there are two different people, one person loses his job.

1. He looks at it as one door closes so a better one can open. He is positive and looks at it as a positive situation. He focuses on positive solutions and proceeds to act accordingly.. Because of this he finds a better job that pays more. Why? Because he gets what he focuses on.
2. On the other hand, another person loses a job and feels and acts like a victim. He feels like the world is against him and proceeds to act accordly. He goes into depression, feels sorry for himself and gives up even looking for a job, and spirals down.

What do you think his outcome is? What we focus on is what we get.

Changing your mindset

You may ask well, how can I change what I focus on. It is simple.

• Try this, when you start to feel down, think about something you have been able to accomplish that filled your heart with joy. Feel that feeling all over. Be aware of the smile on your face.
• Put a great song with that feeling, see a color that makes you feel empowered. Now anchor that feeling with a physical gesture, such as putting your pointing finger and thumb together.
• When you feel down. Just take a few minutes and do what I have taught you. Notice the difference in your attitude, physical stance, facial features, mood and feelings.

Yes it is just that simple, and it is effective. Just the way we aquire other habits, from continued doing, doing, doing. We can change our lives with this simple, effective and lasting habit.

Training our brains

I read an article that was very profound. Some scientist followed around s 3 year old children. They heard negative comments and positive comments. The negative comments were 432 comments the positive were 32. Later in life the children were on their way to college. They were asked to list their strengths and weaknesses. Alarmingly enough they pointed out many more weaknesses and character flaws than strengths.

What does this say? In essense we become what we hear, it becomes our map of our world. How do we change this? The exercise I have taught you is the first step. It helps you to reframe your thinking process.

Just as negative habits can be made by negative enviornments, we can also turn that around to do just the opposite. We can train our brains to adapt positive habits and positive rituals. This will have a profound positive change in your life.

Motivating yourself to change

What does this require? Motivation for change. Self-discipline, and a burning desire for a better life. No one can do it for you. When I work with my clients, I do an free initial consultation. I do that for a few reasons. Number one ultimately is to see if they are committed to change. The second is to see if they will do what it takes, and the third is to set the path for them to be able to move forward. I tell my client’s I am the road map you are the driver. Are you willing to get behind the wheel of life and change to move forward?

I specialize in working with divorced women. We deal with so many emotions all sometimes at the same time, such as:

• Confusion
• Fear
• Anger
• Frustration
• Anxiety
• Overwhelmed
• Lonliness
• Guilt

If we have children, we end up having more emotions to deal with because you have to think about your children’s emotions as well.

How wonderful would it be to have this emotional tool not only for ourselves, but also to be able to teach our children. If it is a young child make a game of it. It works, it works, it works.

• We as women tend to be so engrossed with helping everyone else.
• We tend to lose our denity.
• When a divorce comes we may feel lose, lose of our husbands, but also loss of ourselves.
• We have become everyting for everyone else.
• We grieve for not only the loss of our significant other but also the loss of ourselves.

Picking up the peaces can be overwhelming. It does not get any better for a women that is mature. Our entire lives have been structured around family lives. Now the door is closed to not only our careers but also to the structure we had in place.

Building our lives again can be a daunting process. But as I pointed out earlier, it is how we look at it. Getting past emotional barreirs is the first order of business. I teach you how to take control of your emotions again so you can help yourself heal, feel whole again and start to live a fullfilled life. We again attract what we think and put out there. So be aware of what you are thinking and feeling. We govern our lives by what we feel, not only what we think. 

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. 

Stacey Giovanni Cox CHt, CC, NLPCht