Learn to Build your Self-Esteem Through Resiliency

Learn to bounce back by building resilience.

Recall a time in your life when you experienced some type of adversity or traumatic event.  A break-up with someone you really cared about, perhaps, or the loss of a job or a loved one.  

How did you cope?  

Now imagine how much better you could have handled yourself in a bad situation if you were equipped with the proper coping strategies to not only help you get through the situation, but come out all the better for it.  

Today is the day you can take charge of your life and learn how to make this thought a reality.

BUILD YOUR RESILIENCE TO BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM

In my article about self esteem, I established that one of the ways to increase your self-esteem is by developing resilience. Resilience is based on qualities that help you to cope, adapt, and even thrive in adverse or traumatic situations.

Resilience is a process as well as an outcome and involves your capacity to navigate to available resources (Miller & Daniel, 2007).  

BUILDING CAPACITY

Capacity is a word you may notice I mention often, and for good reason. Just because you do not currently have a skill or trait does not mean you cannot develop it. Thankfully, you have the capacity to learn and develop new skills to improve yourself to become more effective and successful.

Speaking of being effective, Miller and Daniel explain that self-esteem is two-dimensional:

• On one hand there is the sense of self worth – the belief in oneself as being worthy of happiness, care, and respect from others.
• On the other hand there is self-efficacy – the belief in oneself as being competent to handle the challenges he or she faces in life.  

These two concepts are very much interrelated as one contributes to the other in a bi-directional relationship.  

When we do not feel that we are worthy of happiness, we are less likely to do what is necessary to attain happiness.  When we are unable to attain happiness for ourselves, we begin to feel like we don’t deserve it.

EXTERNAL FACTORS TO BUILDING RESILIENCE

So what contributes to resilience in the first place?  According to Miller and Daniel, external or extrinsic factors that contribute to resilience include,

• Having at least one secure attachment relationship,
• Access to wider supports such as extended family and friends, and
• Positive experiences.

INTERNAL FACTORS TO BUILDING RESILIENCE

Internal or intrinsic factors that contribute to resilience include:

• A sense of security where you feel loved
• A healthy self-esteem
• A sense of agency or self-efficacy

Again, we see the bi-directional relationship where one contributes to the other!

HOW TO BUILD RESILIENCE TO INCREASE YOUR SELF ESTEEM

Building resilience when you feel as though you do not already have it can be done in a variety of ways.  

Daniel and Wassell list six domains of resilience:

• A secure base,
• Education,
• Friendships,
• Talents and interests,
• Positive values, and
• Social competencies.  

Miller and Daniel explain that several ways to nurture resilience include:

• Encouragement for achievement,
• Support and guidance from others,
• Opportunities to develop skills and interests, and
• Opportunities to develop social competencies.  

Miller and Daniel report that resilience-building approaches focus on identifying the individual’s strengths and nurturing those strengths (as done in professional life coaching) and building a supportive network for the individual.  

Obviously, a life coach is a great start to building a supportive network as well!  This is also supportive of maintaining an environment that enhances an individual’s sense of self-worth.

SET YOUR GOALS

Contact me to talk to me today about strategies to help you build your own resilience. I also offer weekly self esteem support groups. Let’s make a plan together to help build your capacity to develop resilience and increase self-esteem to become a more successful, happy, and effective individual.