Is it Okay To Flirt in a Relationship?

Is it okay to flirt in a relationship? Flirting is an inevitable part of social interaction, a practice that we all engage in at some point or another. 

Much of it is labeled as playful banter, an innocuous way of being affectionate and friendly towards others. But some believe that there is intent hidden underneath the subtle gestures that can make flirting less playful and more dangerous, particularly if you are in a relationship.

Since flirting for the most part is subjective, can there be rules and boundaries for couples to curb overly flirtatious behavior? When is it okay to flirt in a relationship, and when does it go too far?

What is flirting?

Flirting is described as a social exchange of verbal and non-verbal communication that suggests a person’s interest towards another, sometimes with sexual undertones. 

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Some people contend that flirting is completely harmless and is only done for fun. They liken it to a type of social-interaction sport, used to lighten the surroundings and provide a sense of personal enjoyment. 

Others believe that flirtatious behavior is fine if you are single, but that if you are in a relationship, flirting gives the perception of availability and invites others to participate in the conduct because they sense a greater level of interest.

Why do we flirt?

Why do people flirt?

• There are those that flirt with the intent of attracting a potential romantic partner.
• Some people flirt playfully, for amusement. They enjoy the thrill of the hunt, the excitement of playing a mental chess game to gauge someone’s interest towards them. 
• Then there are those that flirt for the purpose of measuring the physical attraction towards another in order to engage in sexual activity. 

The question that looms is why do people flirt if they are already in a relationship? Some condemn flirting while in a relationship because it can be misinterpreted and gives the impression that one is looking to be unfaithful and step outside of the relationship. 

Since flirting involves language and gestures that express interest, oftentimes sexual interest, many disapprove of the practice while in a relationship because it can be viewed as cheating.

Is it okay to flirt in a relationship?

Flirting, while fun, can also be quite dangerous for relationships.  Since much of the activity is shrouded in perception, there can be ambiguity in determining when it goes too far.  

It can be even more difficult to ascertain another person’s intent behind their flirtatious actions.  Flirting can be risky because there is potential it to lead to wanting more.  It challenges the commitment by allowing that curious desire to intensify, causing the boundary lines to become blurred. 

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If one does not put an end to the behavior, eventually flirting will turn to curiosity and curiosity will provoke the inclination to push past those boundaries.  Moreover, if you are pushing the boundaries of flirting it can cause you to want to conceal your behavior from your partner which ultimately confirms that it was something you should not be doing.

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There is no doubt that flirting can be fun.  It is a way for us to be social and interactive with others as well as boost self-esteem and confidence. 

Recognizing when it crosses the line can be difficult because each person has their own definition of flirting and what constitutes acceptable behavior. 

It would be beneficial to establish boundaries with your partner on what would be appropriate conduct when flirting. Discussing boundaries allows each person to be specific in what behaviors they find appropriate and what they deem to be offensive. 

It gives each person the opportunity to be open and reassure each other to help mitigate any insecurity that may be present.

What questions do you have about flirting? Let me know below.

If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.