Do You Really Know Who You’re Dating?

The Importance of Knowing Your Mate’s Childhood

When entering a relationship, most people focus on what they consider to be the basics. What kind of car do they drive, what type of job and income, do they have children and are they married?

While these are very good questions, there are a few topics that need to be covered in order to help you understand why your potential mate behaves the way they do.

What type of childhood did you have?

When a person thinks of baggage they are usually refereeing to the last relationship. However, most of the baggage a person has is based on how they grew up.

• Where they abused as a child?
• Was it physical, mental or verbal?
• Did they grow up with two parents in the house?
• Did they get to interact with the absent parent?
• Did they have strict parents?
• Was he a mama’s boy or was she a daddy’s girl?

All these are questions that help identify who is standing in front of you.

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While it might take some time to get that person to trust you enough to let that type of information out, you still want to bring it out with diplomacy if nothing else to show that person that you are concerned.

Once that trust is there and your potential mate is ready to let you in, ask how you can help them heal. If they were abused verbally, be mindful of yelling and or screaming. Be mindful your tone when speaking. That is. refrain from aggressive statements and or belittlement. You never know what type of reaction you’re going to get.

If you have no knowledge on your mate’s background, ask yourself some questions.

Defensiveness 

• Do they appear defensive all the time, as if they are in “trouble”?
• Has this person been abused sexually by a person or family member?
• Do they appear willing yet frigid at the same time?

Then you might want to have that conversation with them. 

• Do certain words seem to trigger a negative reaction?
• Words that would not affect the average individual?

These are all signs that you need to recognize in order to help your potential mate get pass their past.

It’s not always about possessions but about protection, protection that the other person will not continue their childhood trauma with you or be ridiculed for what they have gone through.

Feelings of scarcity

• Did that person grow up poor?
• The kind of poor where simple things like food where an issue?

Signs would something like never throwing anything out. Holding onto clothes that are out of date or too big or small. Everyone loves a sale, but a person who did without to a deeper level will look for things that they can fix before discarding or buying brand new.

SEE ALSO: If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.

Relationship with the parents

• How was the relationship with the parents?
• Were they loving and attentive or harsh and played favorites?

Signs would be either positive and willing to share you with the world, or always wanting to be around you and praised with high accolades.

My point dear friends is this, as children we go through things that can and may affect our adult relationships. If our mates are not willing to help find out what those issues are and help us through it, how can we ever be truly productive in our relationships and most importantly how can they ever truly understand us?

If you want to get more from your life, and are looking for concrete action steps to get you there, check out our Request a Coach page. It’s a “cut the fence-sitting and take action” way to tackle your issues and actually find success. You’ll be matched with the coaches most suited to you to get you from where you are to where you want to be. To get off the fence and start to take action, click or tap here.