Beyond the Grieving Stages: Four Steps to Healing After Grief

Lift your wings again by healing after grief

In this article, I’ll teach you—

·         How to gain a new perspective on the bad events that have occurred in your life.

• How meditation can help you receive the guidance needed to face your current challenges.
• How showing gratitude will brighten your outlook of your current situation and of your future.

Four steps to healing after grief

The following four steps might seem simple, but they will have a huge impact on how you’ll experience your life in the coming year.

STEP 1:  WHAT HAPPENED AND HOW IT’S AFFECTING MY LIFE

STEP 2:  REFRAME THE VIEW OF YOUR REALITY

STEP 3:  MEDITATION

STEP 4:  SHOWING GRATITUDE

Yes, bad things will happen in your life—you lose a loved one, you are diagnosed with a serious chronic disease, you went through a divorce, or you lost your job.  These are all very traumatic events and are enough to make anyone lose hope.

However, despite these and similar tragic events, you can still have hope for your future.

Step 1:  What happened and how it’s affecting my life

First, let’s look at the events that happened in your life that were beyond your control. 

• Write out all of negative events that occurred, that you are still dealing with today. 
• Next, write down the thoughts or feelings you are experiencing about these events.  Please see the examples below:

EVENT:   I was laid off from my job.

FEELINGS:  It feels like I’ll never be able to find another job and I don’t know how I’ll be able to take care of my family. 

EVENT:  I lost my husband this year.

FEELINGS:  I’m lost without my husband and I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. 

Right now it may feel like you aren’t in control of anything in your life; however, there are ways to take back the feeling of power. No, you can’t control everything that happens to you in life, but you can control your response and your perceptions of these events. 

Step 2:  Reframe the view of your reality

When bad things happen it is very natural to develop a negative outlook on your life and on yourself.  However, true hope and a vision for your future is possible when you “flip the script” on how you view and think about your situation. 

My story

After my mother’s sudden death a few years ago, I talked to a Life Coach and she said that I should create a vision board about what I wanted for my future. 

My response and my belief at that time was that, “I don’t see a future for myself without my mother” because before her death I had NEVER considered the possibility of having to live my life without her being there for me. The coach suggested that instead of thinking of living my life without her, think of living my life as a legacy to all of the love she gave and the lessons she taught me while she was in my life. 

Where I once could not even consider the possibility of my future, this new perspective gave me hope. The thought that I would live the remainder of my life as a tribute and legacy to the love and lessons my mother taught me gave me a new sense of purpose and courage. 

So much so, when I was faced with a significant challenge at work, I made a very different decision than I would have before my mother’s death. I was empowered by my new found mission and purpose. 

How can you reframe your perspective on your current situation?

Let’s say you lost a job that you worked on for the past years, and you don’t know how you’re going to make ends meet. However, during your eight years you gained a lot of experience and connections that will allow you to start your own business.

Flip the script: Your new mission could be to look for a part-time job and work on starting your business.  There are a lot of programs and funds available to help you start a business.  Go to www.sba.com for resources that can get you started. 

Or let’s say you have been diagnosed with a serious chronic illness, which has caused you to lose your hair. Your hair was once your crowning glory, and you spent hours and a lot of money on to keep it looking good.

Flip the script: Think of how much time and money you’ll save now.  Money and time that you can spend on taking better care of yourself and getting better. 

I know that this will be difficult at first, but, please sit down and consider ways that you can reframe your reality.  So now, write down all of the feeling statements from the previous section and reframe them into more positive, empowering statements. 

Step 3:  Meditation to heal from grief

I know for some people meditation may seem like or sound like some “hippy stuff,” but, really it’s just sitting down for a few minutes, getting quiet and listening for guidance. Often the most difficult part of meditation is to quiet the mind and come to the present moment without thinking about the past or worrying about the future.  

Different techniques work for different people and there are a ton of resources available on the internet. Here’s an article about meditation that’s easy to read and understand with a simple technique that you can try. Or you can conduct your own search on Google or YouTube for other resources.  

But, whatever method you choose, please commit to at least five minutes a day sitting quietly and listening for guidance. 

So take a moment now and sign an agreement with yourself that you will commit to spending at least 5 minutes a day for the next 30 days sitting quiet. At the end of 30 days, if this technique isn’t working for you, you can stop it. But at least by that time you would have had a total of 150 minutes of quiet time, which we all can use. 

Step 4:  Showing gratitude as a relief from grief

Yes, your circumstances are bad right now. However, you can always find something to be grateful for.  

Thinking about the good things in your life or that happen in your life is what gratitude is about. It can be something big, like the fact that you still have family and friends around that love and care about you.  

Or it can be something small, like you bought the last can of black eyed peas at the store.  

Showing gratitude takes your mind off of what’s wrong in your life and forces you to focus what’s going right, which helps to build a positive perspective on your life. 

Right now, write down three things in your life for which you are grateful. Then, each night before you go to sleep, write down at least three things for which you are grateful. This will give you the opportunity to go to sleep with good thoughts instead of thoughts of worry or anger. 

Now, if you completed these steps, you should have a more positive outlook on your future.  If you keep up these strategies, you will have a breakthrough that will impact how you experience your life’s journey after your loss.