Top 12 Funny New Year’s Resolutions for 2023

New year. New goals. New chances.

Are you one of those who still set new year’s resolutions? 

Back when I was a kid, our parents would always force me and my siblings to come up with our list of resolutions. It was like our assignment for the holidays – a list of things we promised to do or stop doing. Then we got to read them out every New Year’s Eve, during the family meeting.

Afterward, my mom collected them as “proof” of our promise. The next time she pulled up these lists would be the following Dec. 31st, as we tried to look back and check whether we achieved the things we put on our list. That’s how I was introduced to the world of goal-setting.

A Lean, Mean dozen of funny new year’s resolutions

We want you to start the year with a light heart. 

So, if you’re tired of setting expectations for yourself, cheer up. Turn your fun and quirky side on and just think out of the box in making your new set of goals! 

Get inspired with these top 15 funny new year’s resolutions!

1. This year, I’ll try something new: break all rules!

Try something different this year 😀

1. I resolve to always make room for desserts.

It’s your body and yours alone. Don’t let anyone dictate how and when you get to eat the whole chocolate cake. 

1. I’ll return the things I borrowed, except the pens from the reception.

You know you can return all other things after using them. But NOT the pens since you always need to carry an extra just in case your seatmate on the plane borrows yours. 

1. I will save money this year… so that I’ll be more prepared for sales!

Being financially prepared calls for having cash when you need it most… Think of all those sales you can spend it on!

1. I’ll stop pointing at my dog whenever I fart.

Tip: Identify the culprit by checking out who has a guiltier-looking face.

1. I’ll sleep more and care less.

Doesn’t research say that sleeping is super healthy for you? I swear I read that somewhere…

1. On days I need some motivation boost at work, I’ll order 1 venti cappuccino. Add 3 pumps of persistence, 2 pumps of patience, 1 shot of currently unavailable for meetings, and a drizzle of the latest gossip to keep me sane.

There are days when you need to drag yourself to work. If you need some caffeine fix, ask your barista to add a couple of motivation boosters as well!

1. I resolve to be more productive by starting my day early… in my dreams.

People say everything starts with a dream…

1. I promise to declutter my room more than once a year. Does removing my previous years’ planners and pads of to-do lists count?

Professional home organizers often stress that we need to declutter and “start somewhere today”. Leave no proof that you always have the same resolutions and to-dos each year! Throw them away!

1. I’ll live and savor each day to the fullest; especially “National Donut Day”, “National French Fries Day” and “National Deep Dish Day”!

Mark your calendars this year and make sure to celebrate these days with your circle. Oh, did I mention that “National Chocolate Cake Day” is coming up too?!

1. I was planning my year while running 5K then got really hungry. Good thing there’s McDonald’s just around the corner.

Who doesn’t get hungry when they push for training? You can’t blame me for seeing McDonald’s! It’s definitely not my fault that they’re near the stadium.

1. This year, I resolve not to overthink things. That includes making overrated new year’s resolutions.

I’ve had enough of creating, reaching, or failing my new year’s resolutions. So this year, I’m not overthinking my goals. Who else makes “real” new year’s resolutions these days? 

The myth behind new year’s resolutions

I bet at one point in your life, you attempted or were forced into making a new year’s resolution. At first, you feel a strong surge of energy to write down all your plans to achieve something. 

The first week seems easy, as you feel 100% motivated to reach your goals. You get to exercise a lot and burn the calories you got from the holidays. A slice of blueberry cheesecake doesn’t excite you anymore nor does the french fries and ice cream from your favorite fast food. 

Everything seems to fall into its proper place. Until mid-January, you start to crave again. 

End of story.

Now, you see yourself breaking one item on your new year’s list each week. So, before midyear, you’ve already crossed out your list of to-dos and not to-dos; only it’s the other way around. Underperforming your goals. Dropping your motivation in reaching them.

The way to fulfill our resolutions

So, is it really possible to achieve our new year’s resolutions? Of course, it is!

Even previous studies show it. Yet, only a few (about 16%) transform their resolutions into reality (The Economic Times, 2022). As for the others, they fail between the first to the sixth week after starting.

But let’s not dwell on those who fail in their resolutions. How about focusing on the bright side, like those who fulfill their goals? 

Specialists have various takes on how we can reach our targets— for instance setting SMART goals and getting clear about what we want to achieve. But, from experience, you need three vital ingredients to make your resolutions happen. These are commitment, consistency, and accountability.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for creating SMART goals. But once you’ve set your heart and mind to reach your goal, you have to seal the deal with those three ingredients.

Commit to your resolutions by allotting time to reach them and consciously working on them. It also helps to remind yourself why you’re aiming for those goals. Don’t wait to get motivated but try to motivate yourself. Or better yet, find a motivational coach to help you achieve your resolutions. 

Be consistent in pursuing your resolutions no matter how hard it seems. For example, if one of your yearly goals is to be fit, push yourself and run for about two months. You’ll be surprised that little by little, you’re making it a habit. And once it becomes a practice, it won’t be easy to let go.

Finally, make yourself accountable to faithfully perform your resolutions. But over time, you’ll need a partner when your goals become harder to fulfill. Might want to seek an accountability coach to help you sustain your positive actions.