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What is a Divorce coach?
A divorce is one emotionally charged experience. Often, it’s riddled with uncomfortable adjustments involving legal, financial, and deeply personal aspects. A divorce coach may not provide legal advice, but they do help clients handle the emotional side of it all. They help people get through what may just be the most difficult time of their lives through various coping mechanisms. From those contemplating getting a divorce to those unsure of how to move forward after.
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Why do marriages fail in the first place?
Reasons fall onto a wide array of possibilities. From miscommunication or lack of it, to darker ones. A common theme arises in all of these though. One word: dissatisfaction.
The once happy marriage and unbreakable partnership are no longer enough to satisfy one or both parties. Hence, they seek out what’s lacking somewhere else or by whatever means they can.
Once the shots have been fired, a strange sense of justice and equality settles in (Papps, 2012). For example, a parent may turn on their children when their ex hurts them. They see this oppression as justice. Ironic, I know.
I’m hurting, so I’ll hurt you back in some way. Equalizing. An unfortunate reality, indeed.
And so these are the ways a divorce coach can help you get out of these damaging patterns:
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or confused about the divorce process
It would be wise to surround yourself with people who will offer you encouragement and positivity. This may involve not only family and friends but a divorce coach as well.
What this type of coach does is help you lessen the impact of the divorce in all aspects of your life. You’ll need to prioritize the emotional well-being of all those involved. Not just yours.
You can include your children during your coaching sessions and turn it into a family thing. This way, you and your coach can monitor how your kids are handling the situation. You’ll know if they’re adjusting alright or not. Such observations can help you adapt and determine what will work for them.
Additionally, a divorce coach guides you in creating a parenting plan that addresses custody arrangements, visitation schedules, and the emotional well-being of the children. This ensures that children’s needs are prioritized and decisions are made with their welfare in mind.
Furthermore, divorce coaches help clients see the bigger picture. Thus, enabling clients to evaluate the potential pros and cons of different settlement scenarios. By providing valuable insights and clarifying the ramifications of each option, a divorce coach enables clients to make realistic and advantageous choices.
If you’re feeling down or depressed about your divorce
What a divorce coach can do is to allow yourself to feel and process your emotions without judgment. This goes hand in hand with your physical health, of course.
It’s vital that you focus on your body as well. You can do so by eating well, exercising regularly, and prioritizing sleep. These habits can have a positive impact on your mood and overall well-being.
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Avoid self-blame and negative self-talk, and instead, practice self-compassion as you navigate this difficult transition. Keep in mind that self-care isn’t selfish. You’re equipping yourself with the emotional and physical resources to navigate the divorce process with greater resilience and strength.
Aside from those, you can learn to establish boundaries with your ex-spouse and others involved in the process. This can help reduce conflict and maintain a sense of control over your interactions.
Channel your energy, instead, into setting and working toward new goals for your post-divorce life. This can help you shift your focus from the difficulties of the present to the possibilities of the future. Your divorce coach will help you in all these things.
Do I need a divorce coach?
People get divorced for different reasons. But the purpose is the same. To be able to separate because the marriage has come to an end. To divide their acquired assets throughout their life together. To develop a co-parenting plan for their children (if there are any).
Apart from mourning this loss, what you can do now is to prevent and avoid its adverse effects. Your divorce may cause you and the people around you misery. Thinking of hiring a professional may be something you’ve been entertaining for some time now.
Here are some of the questions you can ask yourself to know whether you truly need a divorce coach:
How Amicable is the Divorce?
It’s not uncommon to think back to your wedding day, particularly during these dark times. Back when saying “I do” feels so simple, that it fills you with contentment. And now, you no longer do. Never imagined it would come to this, right?
While the pain is fresh and raw, you’ll see brighter days again. This, I swear to you. Just because something ends doesn’t mean it also has to be bitter.
It’s possible to have an amicable divorce (Vinters, 2016). There’s no need to go to war at court. Why make it even more difficult for you and your ex-partner.
Instead of getting back at each other, you can compromise and work together to achieve the best result for everyone.
A divorce coach can help you ensure the separation process is as painless as possible. They can guide you in reaching a level of emotional maturity that will allow a favorable outcome for both parties.
How Emotionally Ready Are You for it?
It will be painful. That’s a given. It’ll be an emotional affair. You can expect that.
You’re at a point in your life where you’re grieving something you honestly thought would last. But it would be a healthy thing to do.
Still, you can’t avoid feeling angry. You want to blame someone, anything, for the downfall of your marriage. How do you forgive someone who’s causing you this much heartache?
Going through this rollercoaster of emotions will leave you feeling drained. Having a divorce coach by your side during this tumultuous time is like a balm soothing a wound. If you do decide to hire one, it won’t be about sitting around and crying your heart out. At least, not all the time.
Your coach will help you accept that the divorce can also be a healing process for you and your ex. A divorce coach will guide you through several stages during your divorce.
There’s the denial. This is just a rough patch. It won’t go through.
The anger. For better or worse, my a**.
The bargaining. Maybe if we both change our ways, we can still save our marriage.
The depression. How do people expect me to go out when my divorce is underway?
Then, finally, acceptance. I’ll survive this, and I’ll come out of it stronger!
What are Your Goals for the Divorce Process?
It becomes extra challenging when there are children in the picture. It might just be the most difficult part of the divorce for parents. That thought of scarring their children enough to mess up their lives.
If you’re a parent, this fear may have kept you in an unhappy marriage before finally deciding to leave. Understandable, really. But your kids will be better off with separated parents than being continuously exposed to a toxic household with both parents around.
A divorce coach can help you plan how to provide stability for them. You’ll also come to terms with the fact that you’ll mess up here and there. And that you can’t always be perfect for your children.
Meanwhile, your goals don’t have to revolve just around your offspring. They can also include you personally. A divorce coach can guide you in becoming extra kind to yourself. You’ll learn to make room for your feelings and validate them. It’s only going to be counterproductive being overly critical of your situation and your emotions.
How can a divorce coach help me?
By enlisting a divorce coach, you can get help in the following areas:
A Non-Judgmental Space
Your anxiety about going out and about in the world may stem from the unwarranted opinions of others. Those who aren’t a part of your marriage but have much to say about it anyway. Hearing those comments that make you feel like you’re such a failure (or just downright dumb) can do damage on you.
But those are all from the outside world. In the confines of your divorce coaching, though, there would be none of that. Your divorce coach will make sure of it. They offer a safe environment for you to explore every concern and worry you may have.
Your divorce coach will also help you gain clarity of your situation and regain control of your life. You get to navigate your emotions. Expressing your feelings and thoughts on any topic related to the divorce is something you won’t fear doing. This will then ease healing and empowerment.
Decision-Making
Divorce is a life-altering journey. It brings with it a cascade of decisions. Each of these is laden with emotional weight and far-reaching consequences.
From property division and alimony arrangements to child custody agreements and future life choices. Every decision can shape the trajectory of post-divorce life.
A divorce coach will serve as your dedicated ally. They offer insights and strategies to help you with decision-making.
In the midst of emotional upheaval, it’s easy for overwhelming feelings to take over. The mere thought of all the choices you need to make triggers them. A divorce coach helps distill these choices into manageable components. They help you break down any complex issues into digestible and easily understandable terms.
In addition to their many roles, a divorce coach encourages you to explore all of your possible options. This will enable you to make decisions that always align with your values. Being able to understand all your choices can make the decision-making process something that’ll serve you long-term.
Your decisions are born from emotions and logic. Not one in favor of the other. The most fitting decision for every situation is something you came up with, considering your emotions and the facts you have at the time. But almost too often, you tend to favor one.
A divorce coach can assist you in finding the right balance between these two. First, by giving you a safe space for expressing your emotions. And second, they offer their own perspectives that are based on practicality.
Your coach is also competent in helping you assess potential outcomes of decisions. This includes their implications as well. As such, you’ll be able to make relevant decisions. Those that are relevant here in the present. And those that will surely be sustainable in the future.
Communication Problems
When the emotions are high and dynamics are shifting, effective communication is the one that suffers. Often, this opens the floodgates to misunderstandings and even more conflicts. We all know that effective communication is the great foundation of every successful relationship. And yes, this also holds true in the context of divorce.
There are various factors why communication problems arise during divorce. Mistrust, diverging priorities, and unresolved issues can all contribute to the breakdown in communication. Even more, the legal process also adds to the tensions. Making it hard for both parties to convey their thoughts and concerns in a constructive way.
With a divorce coach facilitating, you can have more focused, structured, and respectful conversations with your ex. Your coach can guide you in articulating your thoughts clearly. At the same time, the active listening aspect is still very much intact.
On top of that, a divorce coach can help you manage your emotions during conversations. This ensures that discussions remain productive and solutions-oriented. Rather than devolving into arguments.
Let’s not forget that communication styles vary. What works for one couple may not work for another. A divorce coach remedies this by tailoring strategies that are unique to each situation. They can provide strategies for navigating difficult conversations and addressing sensitive topics effectively.
Five great reasons to hire a grief coach
Often, people attach divorce to sorrow and failure. It’s essential that you recognize how it can signify a transformative journey despite the heaviness that comes with it. It can be about your personal growth, self-discovery, or improved well-being. Anything that’s important to you personally.
Do keep in mind that divorce isn’t an indictment of a failed marriage. Instead, why not see it as a declaration? Your commitment to seeking a life that fully aligns with your aspirations and values.
For couples with children, divorce can show the importance of self-respect and the pursuit of happiness. The capability to navigate change is one valuable life lesson you and your children can learn together.
Each individual’s journey is unique and their own. Embracing the possibility of a brighter future is an act of courage. You embody self-love after neglecting it for some time.
That said, here are five great reasons why you should hire a divorce coach:
- Practical Guidance
Although they aren’t lawyers, divorce coaches are still knowledgeable about divorce proceedings. As such, they can help you navigate the process. And further ensuring that you’re getting the best possible outcome.
Together, you can create a plan for your divorce. What would you want to achieve? How will you divide your assets? How do you wish to communicate with each other?
Your coach can also aid you in maintaining a good relationship with your spouse even when you’re no longer living under the same roof. The both of you can develop a parenting plan that works well for your children.
Furthermore, a divorce coach can connect you to others experiencing or have experienced a divorce. Support groups like these are helpful for you to not feel alone in your journey. These new people, along with your coach, can help you keep track of your progress.
- Conflict Resolution
I know you may not like it, but understanding your soon-to-be ex-spouse’s perspective is crucial for a smooth separation. Even if you disagree with what your spouse is saying. A divorce coach can help you with this.
A professional can guide you in seeing things from your partner’s point of view. This way, you can easily find common ground with each other. They can also teach you active listening. All the while being able to express your feelings with no judgment. You’ll be better at negotiating your terms effectively.
Moreover, your coach can assist you in learning to stay calm and rational. More so whenever the more difficult conversations happen.
And oh! Respect is still crucial during your divorce. It would be best if you used non-violent communication. This is when you avoid using any blaming and hurtful language.
The goal is a win-win result, right? This means taking into consideration the interests of both parties. Find a solution that will meet everyone’s needs.
- Stress Reduction
You can achieve this better by setting boundaries. Establishing this with your ex-spouse, family, friends, and work is crucial. Failure to do so can cause even additional stressors for you.
There are many ways to cope with stress. A divorce coach can offer relaxation techniques and exercises that suit your schedule.
You can perform yoga, meditation, and deep breathing whenever you feel like the world is closing in on you. Journaling also serves as an outlet for your racing mind. It’s a good practice for silencing the undermining thoughts. Spending time with loved ones helps a lot too.
Through these activities, you can stay positive and set your sights on the future. Your divorce coach can prevent you from getting caught up in the negative aspects of your divorce. Through guided visualization exercises, you can mentally relax and work your way towards your desired future.
- Support Network
Having people that empower and support you can go a long way in your journey. They can offer you emotional solace. Willingly at that. Their unwavering presence can alleviate feelings of isolation.
Do remember, though, that going through a difficult situation right now doesn’t give you the right to use them as your emotional punching bags. These are people that you trust and who are supportive of what you’re going through. They could have turned their backs but didn’t.
With that, you also need to listen to their thoughts and concerns for you. Their feelings are as valid as yours. You can do small gestures to show your appreciation for them. Or spend time engaging in activities that they enjoy.
Reciprocate their efforts as much as possible. Understand their needs and offer assistance when they require it. Be available to match the kindness they extended to you.
It is mutual support that strengthens relationships. It creates an environment of care and compassion during times of difficulty.
- Personal Growth
Being able to identify your strengths, you can learn to leverage them to overcome challenges you’re facing. You foster a heightened sense of self-confidence. Simultaneously, you acknowledge how your weaknesses create opportunities for growth. You and your coach can work together in developing strategies for addressing your so-called “weaknesses.” In turn, you get to transform them into areas of improvement and not just things that hold you down.
Both big and small victories deserve your attention (and celebratory beverages). If you don’t, then your coach will encourage you to celebrate these wins. By doing so, you work on your sense of accomplishment and fuel your motivation. Even this incremental progress fuels your self-esteem and reinforces your personal growth.
By acknowledging your feelings of loss, disappointment, and vulnerability, you start your healing process. As you work through these emotions, you lay the foundation for rebuilding your damaged self-confidence.
You can rediscover your worth with self-awareness, self-compassion and by doing intentional actions. You’ll emerge from this emotionally draining experience with a renewed sense of self.
Questions a divorce coach might ask you
While others’ inquiries can seem irritating and bothersome, it’s different when a divorce coach does the questioning. Perhaps because there’s no underlying judgment or pity there. Maybe, it’s just their nature.
But whatever it is, a divorce coach doesn’t question you with any hidden agenda but to help you get through this stage of your life. Some of the questions they might ask you include:
- What led you to the decision to pursue a divorce?
- How are you currently navigating your emotions and thoughts throughout this divorce process?
- What specific concerns or obstacles are you encountering as you go through the divorce?
- In the short term and long term, what are your objectives as you continue on this journey?
- What aspects of the divorce proceedings are causing uncertainty or raising questions for you?
- Do you have a supportive network in place to help you through this phase?
- How would you describe the nature of your communication with your former spouse or co-parent?
- What legal or financial matters within the divorce that are causing stress or complications?
- Envisioning the future, what kind of life do you imagine for yourself post-divorce?
- In terms of your children’s well-being and co-parenting, do you have any specific concerns or thoughts?
- Have you implemented strategies to manage stress and emotions effectively during this divorce?
- What kind of dynamic do you aspire to have with your ex-spouse or co-parent after the divorce?
- What resources or information do you think would be most valuable to you in your current circumstances?
- Have you already sought advice from legal or financial professionals concerning your divorce?
- Do you anticipate any particular challenges during negotiations, property division, or asset allocation?
- When it comes to co-parenting, what is your vision for an ideal arrangement?
- What steps or plans have you considered for prioritizing your self-care and overall well-being during this process?
- Are there any immediate decisions or dilemmas that you’re finding particularly challenging?
- What are your expectations for the support you’ll receive from me and the outcomes you hope to achieve through this collaboration?
- Are there any specific fears or anxieties about the future that you would like to address as you move through this transition?
Now what? How do I find a divorce coach near me?
A helping hand is just right around the corner! Reach out to one of our professional divorce coaches listed above. Or you can submit a coaching request to Life Coach Hub for us to match you with a coach that will best fit your situation and needs.
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